The Goal is to be with Him!

The whole point is to be united with God and to share his very life.

The whole point of creation, the reason we, as humans, even exist is because "God, infinitely perfect and blessed in Himself, in a plan of sheer goodness, created man to make him share in His own blessed life." (Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraph 1). And the whole point of why I exist is because he loved me into existence and desires a relationship me, in my completely unique me-ness. He did not create me to do something or accomplish something, he created me so he could be with me and share himself with me. He wants to share his life with me, his experience, joy, and essence, and to share in my life as well.

Which brings us to the whole point of the Paschal Mystery. Christ died so that we could be saved from our sin and reunited with the Father in love and fellowship. He died for the sake of relationship. He did not die so that I could do something or accomplish something. Even all the good things we know he would have us to do. They are not the goal; Being with Him, in relationship with Him, sharing of our lives is the goal.

This is probably obvious to everyone but it is a profound revelation for me. You see I always thought God wanted me to do something, preach the gospel, have a prayer life, feed the poor, help people, if you start the list of "works" you will never finish it.

Then I thought that God wanted be something: be a good father and husband, be a witness for Him, be a saint, be holy! And so I set to work on all those things. Good fathers spend time with their kids, good husbands listen to their wives, good witnesses learn their faith, saints pray, and the holy ones don't sin. Wow, did I have a lot of work to do! So I tried and tried, tried to be pleasing to Him, tried to have "faith", tried to be faithful. Sometimes I actually succeeded for a while, but then I had to repent for being proud! And, of course I also fell short. I failed.

The hardest part were the scriptures about love, and peace and joy. Those are hard to "work" on. I can act more loving, and can even be self sacrificing sometimes but I knew it was not the heartfelt, passionate love from the heart that God was looking for. Every once and a while I would experience supernatural peace in difficult times but my daily life was one of worry and anxiety; What are people going to think? How are we going to pay the bills? What happens if....?   And Joy? The best I could do is try to have a positive attitude and I wasn't very good at that either!

Then I came to the inevitable conclusion: I must be such a disappointment to the Father. I think in my heart of hearts, this is what I have always felt. I could not do what he wanted or be what he wanted.

But he really wasn't looking for me to do anything. And he wasn't looking for me to be anything either, except he did want me to be me and he wanted me to let him love me. "Its not that we love him but that he first loved us..." " He loved me and gave himself for me." For me? He didn't give it for what I can do? For who I might become? He gave himself for me. He loves me. Really, truly and passionately.

So if the whole goal of creation and the whole goal of the Paschal Mystery is for me to be united with God in relationship, then I am to be united with Love Itself. When I trust that Love, let that Love in, surrender to that Love, even when I am angry or in pain or am so aware of my sin and shame, I am transformed! He loves me!

I don't have to try to be peaceful, his love for me is real, he is really going to take care of me, provide for me, sustain me and work ALL things for my good!

I don't have to try to have joy, when I am united with the Fullness and Completeness of  Love, even my grief is transformed to joy. (I never understood those scriptures!)

I don't have to try to be a saint. I used to think that saints worked hard at being saints but I think that what they really worked hard at is being with Jesus and letting him love them. I thought that all that time they spent in prayer must have been so tedious and self sacrificing but I think now that they were experiencing his presence and the time was so sweet that they didn't want to leave. I thought they must have tried really hard to be loving but when you are loved, to the very core of your being, than love is the natural overflow of your heart.

I don't have to try to be a saint. What I have to do, is let him love me. Today. In the midst of my crazy life, in spite of my sin and shame and even my self loathing; I have to let him love me. With all of my fears and insecurities and doubts; I long for his love to be so real that they are chased away. Today as I am driving and working and eating and talking and planning, Love is going to be with me. If I can be with him, aware of him, constantly turning my heart towards him, what a wonderful day it will be. I will have peace and joy. I will be loved. I will have arrived at the goal of all of creation and the Pascal Mystery: I will be with Him!